yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
