Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
