I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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