I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
