Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want to make out with him forever
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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