Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
