; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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