remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
