I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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