the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize