I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just had sex bonerless
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
