you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
