this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
