It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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