I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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