Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
