A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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