turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
