and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
