I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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