i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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