your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
