he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
