1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
