I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize