All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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