and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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