Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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