I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Every concussion has its silver lining
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
