shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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