do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize