glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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