i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
