btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
