Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
