Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
