I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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