I understand Curling. That high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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