dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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