Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
