Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
