I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
