looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
