4 words: hood of his car
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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