I'm going to rape someone's good day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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