yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
