So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
