Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drake has all the answers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize