By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
