i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
