K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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