i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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