Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize