I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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