He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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