Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dear god my vagina.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
