five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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