we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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