I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
