I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
