My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
