I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
