I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
