By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
