No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
