The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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