I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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