Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
