Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
