do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
