So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Houston, we have a squirter
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
