Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
