like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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