I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
